It is always SOMETHING. Usually something unexpected, unwanted, or at least inconvenient. Those things that come along to interrupt the "natural" flow of our lives. The "little" things that waste our time, prevent us from doing what we "should" be doing.
These things come in infinite forms:
The spilled cup of coffee that makes us late for work.
The Child who cannot find their other shoe and the one the did find is on the wrong foot.
The unexpected phone call at 2 am from a friend going through a divorce.
The ATM that eats your card, leaving you with no access to YOUR money.
You get the picture.
All of these, and many other things, are as much a part of our lives as the things that we "plan" to do.
They take our list of priorities and scramble them up into a Denver Omelet burnt around the edges.
What we intend to do, and what we actually get done are often two VERY
different lists.
After a few months with no internet and limited to no phone ability, I am BACK online and on the phone. My list just grew by leaps and bounds. I will never "catch up" but I will still try. Don't we all try, and often try again to get "the list" done? As we add more things to the list, usually faster than we are getting them done. But of course that does not stop us from trying.
So, TODAY I will TRY to knock a few things off my list. This Blog is one of hundreds of things on that list. BUT I just scratched one thing off!! Now what next? Do the dishes? Call Mom? Sort Laundry? Go grocery shopping? Take a nap? Find that shoe........
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Searching for Love.......
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as beautiful first thing in the morning. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's the one'.
Love is elusive, but not unattainable. Love is Patient, and so we must also be patient for Love.
And so I wait...........
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
“Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.”
“Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.”
I have often pondered this quote and reminded myself that I should never give up when pursuing anything of worth. But then I question the actual worth of what I am pursuing. Is it a worthy pursuit? Or a futile one?
When does my own stubbornness overshadow my objectivity? Often I fear. But how do I measure those pursuits objectively? Can I? Do I?
I often feel defeated, but still do not give up. Is it only to avoid a different approach, or something altogether different or previously avoided?
Often I am faced with situations, or choices that have no clear, rational solution. Where a decision has to be made and there is no "right" answer. Often I chose the answer that was "right" for me at the time. But times change......should my answer change accordingly?
Options, the world has brought us to a time where we have many. Too many sometimes.
This is when I wonder if "one-payer" healthcare will cover my therapy, lol.
I have often pondered this quote and reminded myself that I should never give up when pursuing anything of worth. But then I question the actual worth of what I am pursuing. Is it a worthy pursuit? Or a futile one?
When does my own stubbornness overshadow my objectivity? Often I fear. But how do I measure those pursuits objectively? Can I? Do I?
I often feel defeated, but still do not give up. Is it only to avoid a different approach, or something altogether different or previously avoided?
Often I am faced with situations, or choices that have no clear, rational solution. Where a decision has to be made and there is no "right" answer. Often I chose the answer that was "right" for me at the time. But times change......should my answer change accordingly?
Options, the world has brought us to a time where we have many. Too many sometimes.
This is when I wonder if "one-payer" healthcare will cover my therapy, lol.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
US state approves guns in bars - WTF???
US state approves guns in bars
NASHVILLE (Tennessee) - HANDGUNS will soon be allowed in bars and restaurants in Tennessee under a new law passed by state legislators who voted to override the governor's veto.
The legislation that takes effect July 14 retains an existing ban on consuming alcohol while carrying a handgun, and restaurant owners can still opt to ban weapons from their establishments.
Thirty-seven other states have similar laws. The state Senate voted 21-9 on Thursday against Democratic Gov. Phil Bredesen's veto, a day after the House also voted 69-27 to override.
They overrode critics, including Bredesen, who said it's a bad idea to have guns and alcohol in close proximity.
Democratic Sen. Doug Jackson, the main sponsor of the bill, said state Safety Department records show handgun permit holders in Tennessee are responsible.
Of the roughly 218,000 handgun permit holders in Tennessee, 278 had their permits revoked last year, records show. Since 2005, state records shows nearly 1,200 people have lost their permits.
Revocations are issued for felony convictions, while permits can be suspended for pending criminal charges or for court orders of protection.
Sen. Andy Berke was the only senator to speak against overriding the veto on Thursday. 'I believe that we should follow the governor and rethink what we have done,' he said.
The law, which was supported by the National Rifle Association, has been successful in other states, its chief lobbyist said. 'Of those 37 states, not one state has attempted to repeal or amend those statutes because they've been successful,' Chris Cox said.
Bredesen spokesman Lydia Lenker said after Wednesday's House vote that the Democratic governor expected an override when he vetoed the legislation last week. -- AP
NASHVILLE (Tennessee) - HANDGUNS will soon be allowed in bars and restaurants in Tennessee under a new law passed by state legislators who voted to override the governor's veto.
The legislation that takes effect July 14 retains an existing ban on consuming alcohol while carrying a handgun, and restaurant owners can still opt to ban weapons from their establishments.
Thirty-seven other states have similar laws. The state Senate voted 21-9 on Thursday against Democratic Gov. Phil Bredesen's veto, a day after the House also voted 69-27 to override.
They overrode critics, including Bredesen, who said it's a bad idea to have guns and alcohol in close proximity.
Democratic Sen. Doug Jackson, the main sponsor of the bill, said state Safety Department records show handgun permit holders in Tennessee are responsible.
Of the roughly 218,000 handgun permit holders in Tennessee, 278 had their permits revoked last year, records show. Since 2005, state records shows nearly 1,200 people have lost their permits.
Revocations are issued for felony convictions, while permits can be suspended for pending criminal charges or for court orders of protection.
Sen. Andy Berke was the only senator to speak against overriding the veto on Thursday. 'I believe that we should follow the governor and rethink what we have done,' he said.
The law, which was supported by the National Rifle Association, has been successful in other states, its chief lobbyist said. 'Of those 37 states, not one state has attempted to repeal or amend those statutes because they've been successful,' Chris Cox said.
Bredesen spokesman Lydia Lenker said after Wednesday's House vote that the Democratic governor expected an override when he vetoed the legislation last week. -- AP
Friday, May 22, 2009
If I had only played the piano
I had considered this as the title to my auto biography, and assuming I live long enough to write one, it may still be. But for now, you get the short story chapter version.........
One of my first memories as a child was living in Elgin Illinois, in a house I thought was huge. The last time I saw the house, a few years ago, which is 35-40 years later, it is anyting but huge.
When you first entered the house, there was a small screened in porch, big enough for 2 people and a milkbox. For those of you too young to know what a milkbox is, try google, it is a wonderful thing.
The next room was the dining room, big enough for a table to sit 6, and maybe a small buffet.
Beyond that was the kitchen. Small but funtional. In the back of the kitchen was the stairs to the basement. A story in itself, for a later time.
To the left of the dining room was, well, another dining room with the master bedroom off of that. Next was the living room. And across to the far wall was the other enterance, and the stairs leading up to the other 3 bedrooms, and bathroom.
Now add to this, my grandmother, her husband (fiance?) My mother and I, 3 of my school age aunts, my uncle, and my great-grandfather. Nine of us in total, but being the baby of the bunch, it never seemed crowded to me.
Back to the diningroom ajacent the living room. Other than the dining table, the other more spectacular item in the room was a piano. I was way too young to be interested in it, and I cannot really recall hearing it being played much. What I do remember was being repeatedly told to not touch it. It smudged easily, and With 9 people in the house, a can of Pledge was most likely a luxury. But then again, I was 3 or 4 years old.
From 2nd to 7th grade we lived in Carpentersville, and again there was a piano in hour home. And my Mother played it. And again, I was repeated told to not touch it. It smudged easily, and at the age I was then, it was also very breakable I am sure.
When we moved again to the house my Mother still lives in, there again, was a piano that my Mother played. By this time I had allowed its presence to blur into the other things in and about the house that my brain had to diminished to mere "background".
Years after I had moved out of the house, out of state, and far from the thoughts of that piano, Mom sold it. When she told me I was sad.
Sad that I wouldn't hear her play it again, only realizing how much I had enjoyed it, and how I probably never told her that.
Sad that a piece of my life's "background" was now gone.
But mostly sad, when I realized I had never learned to play it. Never known the joy and fulfilment which I am certain comes with that ability.
But what helps that sadness subside, is when I close my eyes and think back, and I can see and hear Mom sitting at the piano. And there is no room or reason for sadness there.
Thanks Mom
One of my first memories as a child was living in Elgin Illinois, in a house I thought was huge. The last time I saw the house, a few years ago, which is 35-40 years later, it is anyting but huge.
When you first entered the house, there was a small screened in porch, big enough for 2 people and a milkbox. For those of you too young to know what a milkbox is, try google, it is a wonderful thing.
The next room was the dining room, big enough for a table to sit 6, and maybe a small buffet.
Beyond that was the kitchen. Small but funtional. In the back of the kitchen was the stairs to the basement. A story in itself, for a later time.
To the left of the dining room was, well, another dining room with the master bedroom off of that. Next was the living room. And across to the far wall was the other enterance, and the stairs leading up to the other 3 bedrooms, and bathroom.
Now add to this, my grandmother, her husband (fiance?) My mother and I, 3 of my school age aunts, my uncle, and my great-grandfather. Nine of us in total, but being the baby of the bunch, it never seemed crowded to me.
Back to the diningroom ajacent the living room. Other than the dining table, the other more spectacular item in the room was a piano. I was way too young to be interested in it, and I cannot really recall hearing it being played much. What I do remember was being repeatedly told to not touch it. It smudged easily, and With 9 people in the house, a can of Pledge was most likely a luxury. But then again, I was 3 or 4 years old.
From 2nd to 7th grade we lived in Carpentersville, and again there was a piano in hour home. And my Mother played it. And again, I was repeated told to not touch it. It smudged easily, and at the age I was then, it was also very breakable I am sure.
When we moved again to the house my Mother still lives in, there again, was a piano that my Mother played. By this time I had allowed its presence to blur into the other things in and about the house that my brain had to diminished to mere "background".
Years after I had moved out of the house, out of state, and far from the thoughts of that piano, Mom sold it. When she told me I was sad.
Sad that I wouldn't hear her play it again, only realizing how much I had enjoyed it, and how I probably never told her that.
Sad that a piece of my life's "background" was now gone.
But mostly sad, when I realized I had never learned to play it. Never known the joy and fulfilment which I am certain comes with that ability.
But what helps that sadness subside, is when I close my eyes and think back, and I can see and hear Mom sitting at the piano. And there is no room or reason for sadness there.
Thanks Mom
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
It's Okay
One of many things that I have become good at is avoidance.
I avoided a phone call yesterday from a very close friend. Not his fault, all me.
I didn't even listen to the message until today while I was walking back from the mailbox.
Still no check.
The beginning of the message was thinly veiled as a "in case you lost my number,
here it is again" message, to alleviate any 'reason' I could have to not call him back-(thank you).
But he went on with reserved elation in his voice, saying that alot of good things were happening, and he wanted to tell me about them.
But it was the end of the message that flipped a switch in my head.
He concluded his message with a reminder of the fact that he will be leaving, moving on, becoming the best him- very soon.
So, I better hurry.......
For a while now, weeks, months, years, depending on who you ask, there have been more than enough reasons for me to do something that I have mastered avoidance of.
There was always a "reason" "rationale" or "better option" that to do that.
Bottom line, it was NOT okay.
So, hearing him say in his message, that he was leaving soon, and wanted to talk to me, all I could think was...it IS Okay.
It is probably alot more than just Okay, but it still clicked.
It is Okay.
I avoided a phone call yesterday from a very close friend. Not his fault, all me.
I didn't even listen to the message until today while I was walking back from the mailbox.
Still no check.
The beginning of the message was thinly veiled as a "in case you lost my number,
here it is again" message, to alleviate any 'reason' I could have to not call him back-(thank you).
But he went on with reserved elation in his voice, saying that alot of good things were happening, and he wanted to tell me about them.
But it was the end of the message that flipped a switch in my head.
He concluded his message with a reminder of the fact that he will be leaving, moving on, becoming the best him- very soon.
So, I better hurry.......
For a while now, weeks, months, years, depending on who you ask, there have been more than enough reasons for me to do something that I have mastered avoidance of.
There was always a "reason" "rationale" or "better option" that to do that.
Bottom line, it was NOT okay.
So, hearing him say in his message, that he was leaving soon, and wanted to talk to me, all I could think was...it IS Okay.
It is probably alot more than just Okay, but it still clicked.
It is Okay.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
But some of my best friends are........
"If a black man from Chicago was taught to stand far away from gay people because he didn't want to be accused of being gay. What would happen if he'd run into a gay man? What's the talk? What would he learn, what would I learn? I learned that people in Chicago were wrong and I had been an asshole all along."
--Kanye West on homophobia
***
I have been blessed most of my life with having no outward or apparent prejudices towards any particular person, or group of people. In high school all the "jocks" viewed me as a "freak" that was tolerable, and the "freaks" viewed me as a "jock" that was tolerable. In truth I was neither a "freak" (100% drug free and happy about it, in high school) nor was I a "jock" (One day on the tennis team, one week in track-but I DID finish the mile, lol).
I was lucky, because I was able to "be-friend" or at least interact with people from "both sides". I may not have fit the mold, or even remotely agreed with where they were coming from, but I was still able to see them for what they where, are......people.
I have come across situation similar to high school throughout my life. I remember moving from Carpentersville, to Lake in the Hills, my 2nd week of 7th grade. New school, new people, none of whom I knew. My first class, someone actually said hello to me, not the other way around. A "jock", as it were, but none the less, he saw "just another person" in class to say Hi to. We were never close in school, but it still left an impression (Thank You Todd Thomas, wherever you are).
Don't get me wrong, there were alot of people in high school that saw me as neutral at best, and therefore tolerable as a human being. Not people that I considered friends, per se, but people that had the ability (aware of it or not) to be friendly even though they were not "friends".
In high school there were people like Vince Amandes, Bill Baruth, Andrea Di Pascua (sp.), etc, and I could go on for quite a while here........but you get it. People who saw beyond themselves and the cliques they had been absorbed into, at least even to say "hi" as you passed in the hallway.
People who needed no motive or reason to say hello, it was just a part of who they were as individuals, seperate from the pack.
Often I remind myself, as I walk through a mall, or am in line at the store, to flash back to that time, and turn to the person in line behind me and say Hello.
Amazing what affect that canhave on a person, usually both.
Try it sometime -
--Kanye West on homophobia
***
I have been blessed most of my life with having no outward or apparent prejudices towards any particular person, or group of people. In high school all the "jocks" viewed me as a "freak" that was tolerable, and the "freaks" viewed me as a "jock" that was tolerable. In truth I was neither a "freak" (100% drug free and happy about it, in high school) nor was I a "jock" (One day on the tennis team, one week in track-but I DID finish the mile, lol).
I was lucky, because I was able to "be-friend" or at least interact with people from "both sides". I may not have fit the mold, or even remotely agreed with where they were coming from, but I was still able to see them for what they where, are......people.
I have come across situation similar to high school throughout my life. I remember moving from Carpentersville, to Lake in the Hills, my 2nd week of 7th grade. New school, new people, none of whom I knew. My first class, someone actually said hello to me, not the other way around. A "jock", as it were, but none the less, he saw "just another person" in class to say Hi to. We were never close in school, but it still left an impression (Thank You Todd Thomas, wherever you are).
Don't get me wrong, there were alot of people in high school that saw me as neutral at best, and therefore tolerable as a human being. Not people that I considered friends, per se, but people that had the ability (aware of it or not) to be friendly even though they were not "friends".
In high school there were people like Vince Amandes, Bill Baruth, Andrea Di Pascua (sp.), etc, and I could go on for quite a while here........but you get it. People who saw beyond themselves and the cliques they had been absorbed into, at least even to say "hi" as you passed in the hallway.
People who needed no motive or reason to say hello, it was just a part of who they were as individuals, seperate from the pack.
Often I remind myself, as I walk through a mall, or am in line at the store, to flash back to that time, and turn to the person in line behind me and say Hello.
Amazing what affect that canhave on a person, usually both.
Try it sometime -
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